Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
