You work out of a Hotel?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
