Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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