Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
