Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
