that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
