so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
