Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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