I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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