this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
