What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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