Yo dont text me then not text me
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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