Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
