okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
