I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
