Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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