we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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