No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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