Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
