Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Randomize
