I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
