she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
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i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
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We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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