it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
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Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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