i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
