I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
