I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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