i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
