Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
