i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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