Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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