Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
