in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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