I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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