You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
