The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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