Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
