You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
