operation have a gay friend backfired
smell my finger.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
