His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
