So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
