I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Randomize
