Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
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There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
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she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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