What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
