Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
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Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
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Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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