Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
