Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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