nut hugger
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Bring me that man meat
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
