you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
