Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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