I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I just blew my weed a kiss
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
