y did u give ur computer a hand job?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
