im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
where are you?
Hypothermia
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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