Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
