Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
