worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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