He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
