I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
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