Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.