I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
You smell like stripper and shame
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I AM VODKA MAN
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.