Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize