so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
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Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
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All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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